Rolzo Speaks…


The Older the…
Friday October 1, 2010, 6:32 pm
Filed under: Boh Liaos

Recently picked up a Miller book. Made me feel like blogging again. Hmm.. I hope this really will pick up.

Just crossed my big 30s and my lungs didn’t explode. (Goodness, I think  a miller’s spirit just said that.. haha) Last year, ma corrected me and said I was already living into my 30th year right after my bday. So thanks to her, I already crossed over last year. Contrary to popular beliefs, I don’t think or feel that it’s scary or “oh my God my body clock is ticking” or “oh my God I am not married. ” Sure, I think this year is a little quieter and I guess it is likely to increase by the year. But I feel that there is still so much more to be done. Many of my friends are producing babies at the moment. Sometimes it gets a little scary suddenly a new set of babies appearing at every corner as I walked around in church on Sunday. Sometimes it gets rather overwhelming for me. I used to enjoy kids and would always bend down to make the little one feel special when I do come across one. But now with the baby boom, it just gets overwhelming and I got selective on who I wanna spend energy on.

I think a lot of my perspective changes in the recent 5-8 years. I become more reclusive as I aged. I cherish my space more these days. So to curl up at some coffee joint with a connect-able book, light wordless classical plugged in, and a milky hot coffee on a weekday late afternoon is… pure indulgence.- I would rather be here than to dine with a king.

A couple of my closer girlfriends found their love in the recent year. Some remained unhappily single. I rejoiced along with my blessed girlfriends  and yet on the other hand, I felt the pain of undesired singlehood experienced by some.- I think I have ran out of words for the latter. I felt cliche-ish and decided to stop saying anything. Early adulthood can be depressing with so many changes to cope, so many decisions to make.  For me, where to I stand in this?

I think I am blessed where I am. I am happy. In fact I think I have more hurdles to cross in settling down on someone. Ma said probably I have yet to meet someone I like. As the years go by, I feel less excitable about people I meet. Became more lazy in getting to know people. In fact sometimes I get a bit afraid. These days, the weirdest imaginable can happen. :/ Sad isn’t it?  That, I often feel frustrated about. Sometimes when I get that vibes coming, it actually freaks me out a little. I feel a bit sad cause I can’t interact naturally.  The same goes when I do come across people I like but before anything could develop naturally, the guy start feeling self conscious or worse.. make me guess. I have concluded that the latter are not worth figuring out. – I think this comes with age. haha

I ever asked myself, ‘hey just give these dudes a chance la.. At least for their effort.” I tried to.. but I can’t.  I don’t like this person that way. Then how?  I don’t believe in getting a bf for the sake of removing myself from the single status. In fact I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being single. I feel truly blessed with love and friendships that comes with no strings attached. One that just loves freely without demands for a preferred response.

Well, for a relationship to work, I think conversations are very important. Mutual honor is too. One of the best friendships I have has these ingredients and I never fail to thank the Lord for them.

Well, that’s my little crossover ramblings for now. Hope you’ve been well too in your journey. 🙂 Be bless. 🙂

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