Filed under: Boh Liaos
Recently I posted a FB liner on the subject. What were the contexts of that post? I wonder why I drag my feet to do “work”. Honestly, everything that spells work like assignments, training preps, proposals, church stuff etc etc…. I don’t like my spirit and attitude towards it. In fact I detest it and deemed it as an ugly side of me that I am ashamed to acknowledge. Pa’s frank assessment of me was right. Somewhat Ill-disciplined. My super slacky nature especially when I am at home. Although I felt slightly insulted by that harsh, in-the-face judgement I think I wld have been a fool if I would not take time to evaluate if there is any truth to that judgement. This is what I call “Rude Awakening” haha. Which I think we all need every once in a while. Talking to pa can be stressful cuz he has a preferred system/framework of approaching conversations. Unless I am prepared for an in depth discussion, I won’t dare engage him. haha
I asked myself is this what I wanted. Deep down is a yes and yes but why do I lose the spirit of excellence? I feel good when I have that. I feel good about what I produce when I have that. Now where has it gone to that I’m often with battling with the internal “shame” when I know I have not given my best. What we call the half-hearted attitude. I despised myself for that. I am still in the phase of awareness so before I go ignoring it and eventually get numb, I’d better do something about it.
I guess I need to do a pit stop and reconnect with why I do what I do. Very important thing. I hate needing to fake it. I feel that I betrayed myself if I allow myself to fake it and put on a show but internally having no conviction in the stuff I am meddling with. I shall not conformed to mediocrity! I shall not allow laziness get the best of me. Literally!
Hope you have been doing well where you are. Know that the Lord’s strength and spirit is always available. Take care! 
Recently someone mentioned the word blog rather randomly… Haven’t heard of the word in a while. I think no one read these stuff these days. I can’t rem the last time I read someone’s blog. Now mostly FB or chirps of a one liner. Lagi best recent another new thing called Path. Why do we need to come up with so many versions of the same thing? Haiz…
The reminder led me to visit Rolzology. Wow it’s like a walk down memory lane of my life. Made me miss waigong as revisited my journey with him. I discovered that I haven’t changed much in the things I enjoy in life. At certain point I wonder, huh did I wrote that? 
I realised that I have also became some what less articulated. Over the years i have lost good friends to BF/GF, marriages and migration. The most painful ones was one to an iphone and the other haiz…. I really treasured the quality time and the convos we have had but guess I gotta just take it as it is. So now, with fewer good friends to spar raw thoughts with, which is very sad, I thank God He still gave me a few. They are gems that sparkle in my life! Haiz… Maybe there is a place for blog still. Maybe just to let out cuz it gets stuffy when we keep it all inside.
God I trust that all good things come from You. Whatever it may be, Lord grant me Your loving Grace. For I know it’ll all be sufficient for me.
Revisited some blog links of old.. Tuned in to Galvin’s compositions here. Think most are originals. Enjoy!
